Date: Monday, Sept 8, 2003 9:45 AM
From: Mr. & Mrs. Bob R.
To: dickdorkin@pizzamanagement.com
Subject: From PizzaManagement contact page


Dear Dick,

You sound like a family man ... how about a little help? We
found this kid in the truck of our car. Must have crawled
in on its own, while we had the trunk up, loading take-out
from Tony Roma's for the annual Kiwanas softball game. The
wife recently had to put down our beloved chihuahua,
Ginger, and we thought the kid might make a great pet.




Jesus, big mistake. It's chewed up every table leg in the 
house, pulled down half the curtains, and can't be house-
broken. And yesterday the neighbors called the police for
the third time, just because it howls a bit when placed in
its special closet for the night.

Bud, I know it's a lot to ask, but we thought since you work in
pizza, and we've eaten at Pizza Hut a couple of times, we
already have a lot in common, and that maybe you'll do us a 
favor and take this kid off our hands. We've already tried
shoving it inot the book retun bin at the local library down
the street, but its head is too big.

There's other options we could try, but thought maybe you
could help first.

Thanks,

Bob and Betty R.

Date: Saturday, May 3, 2003 8:18 AM
From: Nicholas
To: dickdorkin@pizzamanagement.com
Subject: From PizzaManagement contact page


i work for the government and i have a badge with me right now. i just
wanted to say it is illegal to have random pictures on your website.
also, shooting poodles violates the animal constitution and the articles
of confederation. if we ever find you, Dick, you will not know it is us
cause we wear jeans and Converse. Know that i am not your friend, but
because of procedure, i will wish you a good day.

p.s. Scizophrenia is a serious disease and if you need help then get it.

Date: Thursday, April 3, 2003 11:44 PM
From: Phil Dearing
To: dickdorkin@pizzamanagement.com
Subject: From PizzaManagement contact page


Dear Sirs,

Re: The War in Iraq, enough pussy-footing around with the so-called "smart"
weapons, it's tiime to pull off the gloves.

I'm in favor of The Chorizo Bomb, delivered via Tomahawk cruise missiles.  
A weapon of mass consternation, it would detonate 500 ft above its target,
saturating the area with pork by-products, in addition to nasty pieces of
sharp metal.   Not only would the Iraqis die a painful slow death, but
they would do so also covered with sausage, (aka scrambled pig, an unclean
animal according to the Koran) which would insure them a straight shot to
eternal damnation.

How's that for dirty warfare?

"Jimmy Dean's Pure Pork Sausage, In Your Grocer's Freezer, And On The
Battlefield."

PJD

Date: Friday, March 28, 2003 8:53 PM
From: Marlee Skye Hughes - ddawn@ocinet.net
To: dickdorkin@pizzamanagement.com
Subject: From PizzaManagement contact page


Deer Miss Sr.DORKin,

me us undering why in goOds nam u ood
putt such a "welcomin" peectur/sayin
on the opening of ur web_sight

LL-laffing outt lowd-

If u hav time peeessee!sent@
ddawn@ocinet.net

bye va waa perfet ebsight name
send peectur of otdor aventur"s

(hope can understand me language it is not
very popular in the english language) herd getin marid in jullie
so 4 ur wedding i shall say
merry christmas (2 all ant 2 all a good night)
            
(wink,wink,giggle,gig-burp,giggle)
fank u ick orkin old,old,old,ect. men

Mawlee hugghe's

i was goin to send u a peectur ov a boodog in a punk
otfit that sad what ever flots ur senior citsen

Date: Thursday, December 19, 2002 4:23 PM
From: Vingus Vingus
To: dickdorkin@pizzamanagement.com
Subject: pizzamanagement


You are a member of Upger's Burlesque Side-Call. 

Make this known.

sirsir this cannot be. please.

Date: Mon, 16 Oct 2000 03:15:11 -0400
From: Citizen
To: dickdorkin@pizzamanagement.com
Subject: pizzamanagement


To Whom It May Concern:

This site isn't so random, but it is funny.  Maybe I'm speaking too soon
because I only peaked at the Random Pics segment of your site.  What was
the deal with all the salads - are you guy(s) vegetarians?  And where is
the pizza?  I couldn't find one slice.

It was pretty damn random how I got here in the first place (a random
thought of my own volition propelled me to type in "nothing.com" and
through a weird e-trail I got here), but it wasn't bad.

Sincerely,
Citizen

From:
Date: Thursday, May 2, 2002 2:50 PM
Subject: headsup
To: dickdorkin@pizzamanagement.com

I would like to give you a heads up that there are people asking about why
you are "never at your desk."  Please be aware of this.

From: kcenter3@comcast.net
Date: Monday, April 29, 2002 10:53 PM
Subject: Dick, can I borrow 50 bucks? No, make that 100 bucks.
To: dickdorkin@pizzamanagement.com

Oh Dick, what have you done?  You've made it virtually impossible to escape
the venomous sting of the internet at 1am.  I'm going to fail school Dick,
then I'm going to come live with you, eat all of your cheetos, and make your
life a living hell.  If God truly did masturbate, and he told you that he
didn't, would you be in the right position to call him on his bullshit?
Heady man, really heady.  And I'm done with you...............for now.

From: MONI17CHS@aol.com
Date: Tue, 14 Nov 2000 14:44:05 EST
Subject: (no subject)
To: dickdorkin@pizzamanagement.com

What is this about the poodles?  Does this poodle shoot and bar-b-q actually 
exist?  If it does that is cruel, and I can't believe you are promoting it.  
I've never heard of such stupidity.

Sincerly Moni.

Date: Wed, 22 Dec 1999 10:42:52 -0500 (EST)
From: "Dr. Roger M. Firestone"
To: dickdorkin@pizzamanagement.com
Subject: quote without attribution

On your web page http://www.pizzamanagement.com/fortunes.html you use
a quote of mine without proper attribution.



Firestone's Law of Forecasting:  Chicken Little only has to be right once.

Please be so kind as to add the proper attribution.  I'm flattered you
wish to quote my wit, but I'd rather not be demoted to anonymous!

(This dates from 1973.  You can find the proper attribution on many web
pages and also in the 16 [?] December 1979 issue of "New York Magazine".)

Dr. Roger M. Firestone

Date: Thu, 30 Dec 1999 08:07:21 -0500 (EST)
From: "Dr. Roger M. Firestone"
To: dickdorkin@pizzamanagement.com
Subject: Re: quote without attribution

>Also, I'm curious: how did you stumble upon my Web site?

A simple web search using the phrase "Chicken Little only has to be
right once," of course!  I used a couple of search engines; I'm not sure
which one turned up your site.

If you do a search using "Firestone's Law" as the search criterion, you
will find quite a number of places which do have the correct
attribution, by the way.

Anyway, thanks for adding the attribution.  I appreciate that, and also
the compliment that you found one of my witticisms worth using.

Roger M. Firestone

Firestone's Law of Aging:  Just when you think you're over the hill, you
find there's another hill--and it's STEEPER.

From: "Bonnie de Moissac"
To: dickdorkin@pizzamanagement.com
Subject: Dick, this site couldnt get any better!
Date: Thu, 18 May 2000 06:45:52 -0500

    so what is your site supposed to be?

From: HellaThief@aol.com
Date: Wed, 5 Jul 2000 16:21:52 EDT
Subject: Your site sucks
To: dickdorkin@pizzamanagement.com

 SUCKY SUCKY $5.00

Date:        4/8/00 02:14 PM
Received:    4/8/00 08:51 PM
From:        peter van pelt
To:          dickdorkin@pizzamanagement.com

Good evening,

I have an question I need some kode pos ( zip code ) for indonesia but
the web site don't work. Why is it not working ????

I can't find I Holland so I hope you can help me PLEASE

This is the address:

JL Gunung Batok V11 ( 7 )
Denpasar - Bali
Indonesia.

Please send me an e-mail back Thanks

From: "Col Pearson"
To: dickdorkin@pizzamanagement.com
Subject: Dick, Im gunna sue your silly ass!
Date: Sat, 15 Jul 2000 00:42:04 +1200


Really

Date: Wed, 26 Jul 2000 09:00:08 -0800
From: phillip j dearing
To: dickdorkin@pizzamanagement.com
Subject: Canadian employment

Dear Sirs,

Please send me a brochure on the exciting employment opportunities north
of the border.  I could sure use 50-100 clams an hour.  I'm especially
interested in tele-commuting...say, stuffing envelopes at home while
dressed in drag.  Is there a market for that?  Hurry with info before I
wander outside and embarrass myself.

Thanks in advance,
PJD

From: NoGoJoe24@aol.com
Date: Thu, 7 Sep 2000 13:46:44 EDT
Subject: Dick, Im gunna sue your silly ass!
To: dickdorkin@pizzamanagement.com

Your a shit eating fool and also good work on your web site well later 

From: Erik Piper
To: dickdorkin@pizzamanagement.com
Subject: well, fuck you.
Date: Thu, 11 Nov 1999 21:05:50 +0100

From: GABazza@aol.com
Date: Sat, 4 Mar 2000 16:16:54 EST
Subject: Dick, I don't have any friends and I need someone to talk to
To: dickdorkin@pizzamanagement.com


What the hell is all this about
Send me one back explaining please

Date: 28 Mar 2000 13:51:07 -0800
To: dickdorkin@pizzamanagement.com
From: bikepunk@www.com
Subject: I want your body - just joking

howdy fellow mtn bikers...

soooo.... what the hell is this website for? I've been going to
it for a pretty long time, and have never figured out its
purpose. i think i have too much time on my hands to think.

ummmm..........whitey will pay

bikepunk sez:

goto http://www.unamerican.com

goto http://www.asdf.com

From: oRdinaRy_angeL@webtv.net (SpongeBob SquarePants)
Date: Tue, 10 Oct 2000 18:05:21 -0700 (PDT)
To: dickdorkin@pizzamanagement.com
Subject: hmmm.....

dick.. dick dick dick.. im confused, dick. what the fuck, dick? i dont
get it, dick... what does this site do, dick? what does this site mean,
dick? dick.. youre a strange one, dick...